My name is Julie and I have always been very anxious about death. I even daydream about how I will escape in any one of a million different scenarios at least every other day!!
A few years ago, when I was dating who is now my partner/wife, she went thru a period where she attended 14 funerals. **sigh** It was a tough time to say the least, but I have two small children and really were focused on them at the time.
Well here we are now living as a family and it's been about 2 years now. Last Saturday, she and I pulled into our driveway at midnight to find her the cat SPooky, in a forever sleep on the porch. I was the first one to see her and was basically in shock for the rest of the night. My wife cried alot and we buried her (this was about 1am) in the front yard. **whew** We spoke some words to her and made a toast to her with some cheap liquor i found in the cabinet. My wife was completely torn up.
Now here is the thing...
I dont' deal with death very well. I imagined that she would be at least a little okay by now, but every single day has been a cry fest over the cat. She just misses the hell out of her. Me, well, i think it's sad. I notice that Spooky is gone, and it freaks me out that death passed through our home. (earlier that day a swarm of ants was on my desk for NO reason! etc) I have been looking for the meaning in it all and have accepted that it's God's Will. She on the other hand has not.
Mind you now, my #1 concern is AlWAYS the kids. They didnt really notice her gone the next day, and we told them the next afternoon. My son who is 5 at first was like 'really?' THen when it sunk in he criiiieeeeddd. My 3 yr old daughter didn't really know what was happening but she says now that 'Spooky went to heaven.' I talk about her each day and tell them how I miss her and it's ok to be sad. My concern is my wife, and her being so distraught for the cat that it will affect the children.
She hasn't eaten much, is very angry all the time, and hasn't really talked to me mostly AT me for a few days. I have been very sensitive to her and listened to her talk about the cat and cry on my shoulder etc.
So what exactly is the next step here??? How can I help her move on?? Should I get her a new cat? How can I be more sensitive to the situation?
Okay thanks alot for reading my long post and for any insigt you can shed ...
thanks again,
Julie
A few years ago, when I was dating who is now my partner/wife, she went thru a period where she attended 14 funerals. **sigh** It was a tough time to say the least, but I have two small children and really were focused on them at the time.
Well here we are now living as a family and it's been about 2 years now. Last Saturday, she and I pulled into our driveway at midnight to find her the cat SPooky, in a forever sleep on the porch. I was the first one to see her and was basically in shock for the rest of the night. My wife cried alot and we buried her (this was about 1am) in the front yard. **whew** We spoke some words to her and made a toast to her with some cheap liquor i found in the cabinet. My wife was completely torn up.
Now here is the thing...
I dont' deal with death very well. I imagined that she would be at least a little okay by now, but every single day has been a cry fest over the cat. She just misses the hell out of her. Me, well, i think it's sad. I notice that Spooky is gone, and it freaks me out that death passed through our home. (earlier that day a swarm of ants was on my desk for NO reason! etc) I have been looking for the meaning in it all and have accepted that it's God's Will. She on the other hand has not.
Mind you now, my #1 concern is AlWAYS the kids. They didnt really notice her gone the next day, and we told them the next afternoon. My son who is 5 at first was like 'really?' THen when it sunk in he criiiieeeeddd. My 3 yr old daughter didn't really know what was happening but she says now that 'Spooky went to heaven.' I talk about her each day and tell them how I miss her and it's ok to be sad. My concern is my wife, and her being so distraught for the cat that it will affect the children.
She hasn't eaten much, is very angry all the time, and hasn't really talked to me mostly AT me for a few days. I have been very sensitive to her and listened to her talk about the cat and cry on my shoulder etc.
So what exactly is the next step here??? How can I help her move on?? Should I get her a new cat? How can I be more sensitive to the situation?
Okay thanks alot for reading my long post and for any insigt you can shed ...
thanks again,
Julie
